Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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