i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
