the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
