i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
