Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
