At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
