You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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