did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
