This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
