you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
