I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
