I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
