Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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