so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
