Pregnant stripper...not hot.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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