We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
