I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
