my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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