Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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