Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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