it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
