Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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