I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
