I'm eating all of the evidence.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
