We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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