She is in my trunk
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
