I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
