Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
