I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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