I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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