Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
