The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
