put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
