Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
