it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
