So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my being single is dangerous.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
