somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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