Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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