I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My penis needs a shock collar
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
