Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
