What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
FUCK WHALES
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
