i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
