I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
