Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
