You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
