Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
