Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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