I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Randomize
