The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
