toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
