Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Randomize
