I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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