Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
