Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
